funny grandma

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them …

In English class the teacher says (Teacher): Kids you need to say the alphabet ok Sally you first. Sally: Okay a b c d e f g h I j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z. Teacher: good job Sally. Then the teacher called on 4 other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on little Johnny. Teacher: Little Johnny …

A Brunette, Redhead and Blonde entered into a game show. The host explained the rules, “I am going to say jokes for a hour straight and who ever doesn’t laugh at the end receives $5000.00!”   The host starts and after 15 minutes the redhead is out. He continues and after 40 minutes the brunette is out. When the clo…

A poorly dressed woman entered a fancy restaurant. All the customers looked at her with scorn. The woman was wearing a ragged old dress and had a sloppy look. The hostess immediately ran up to her not even trying to hide her disgust.   “Madam you have probably mistaken the place for somewhere else.” All she wanted …

A man had a wife and a mistress and he didn’t know who to choose. He decided to go see a wise man to find an answer to his problem. He asked him if he had to be with his wife or mistress.   The wise, looked at him and took two pots in his hands: one with a rose and the other with a cactus and asked him: “What do you d…

One sunny day, Father Ted is driving his car down a small country road, when he suddenly spots a nun waiting at a bus stop. Always one to lend a helping hand, he pulls over and offers her a lift. The young nun thanks him, puts her luggage in the trunk, and sits down in the passenger seat next to the priest. The poo…

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me—it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would re…

A boss said to his secretary I want to have sex with you I will make it very fast. I’ll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down  to pick it I’ll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but “Ask him for $2000, pick up the m…

Little Johnny is in his closet when he hears a noise. His mom comes in and starts having sex with someone other than his dad. He hears a door slam and his mother say “Oh no, my husband his home! Quick! Hide in the closet.” The man get in the closet and little Johnny says: “Dark in here isn’t it?”   The man is start…

ne day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, “Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to ten….. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!” The mother responds, “Very good honey.” The blonde asks, “Is that because I’m a blonde mo…

A blonde is on vacation and she walks into an Internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mom in America. She doesn’t know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says: “Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?” The guy say’s, “Yeah, but it will cost ya.” And the blonde says, “Su…

A busty blonde woman walks into a New York bank and goes straight up to the counter. “Hello,” the man behind the counter says to the woman. “How can I help you today?” The blonde has to think for a moment and finally says, “I need a loan of two-hundred and fifty dollars.”   The bank teller responds, “That’s not a p…

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. “What is that?” he asked. She said, “I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo ‘Merry Chris…

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.…