One evening last week, my wife and I got into bed.   We were 

fooling around, the passion started to heat up, when she suddenly 

says: “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”   I said, 

“WHAT? Then what was all that about?!?”   Then she uttered the 

words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear… “You’re just 

not in touch enough with my emotional needs as a woman, for me to 

satisfy your physical needs as a man.”   She saw my puzzled look 

and said, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not for what I do 

in the bedroom?”   Realizing that nothing was going to happen that 

night, I went to sleep.   The very next day I decided to take the day 

off work to spend time with her.  We went out to a nice lunch and 

then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.   I 



walked around with her while she tried on several different very 

expensive outfits.  She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told 


her “we’ll just buy them all”.   She wanted new shoes to compliment 



her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit.   We went to 


the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond 

earrings.   Let me tell you, she was so excited.  She must have 



thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.   I started to think she 


was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she 




doesn’t even know how to play tennis.  I think I threw her for a loop 

when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”She was almost nearing ecstatic 

satisfaction from all of the excitement.   Smiling with excited 

anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all dear, let’s go to the 

cashier.”   I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No 


honey, I don’t feel like it.”   Her face just went completely blank as 


her jaw dropped with a baffled “WHAT??!!!”   Then I said, “Really, 

honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just 

not in touch enough with my financial needs as a man, for me to 

satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”   

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, “Why can’t you just 

love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?

The man is equating his wife in a crazy way


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