funny grandma

Three guys go to hell. One is from the USA, one is from England, and the other one is from Iraq. Upon arrival the devil says they are entitled to one phone call, but must pay the charges. The guy from the USA calls home and talks for an hour. The devil says, “That will be $150.”   The guy from England calls home and t…

Two people living in a retirement home, an elderly man and an elderly woman, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally …

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk.   A man came in and asked the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?”   The farmer shook his head and replied, “Some things you just can’t explain.”   “So what happened that’s so horrible?” the man asked as he sat down n…

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. The husband wanted more than a written report; he  wanted video of his wife’s activities. A week later, the detective returned with a video.  They  sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man…

I was in a public toilet and had just sat down, when I heard a voice from the next cubicle,   “Hi! How are you?”   Now, I’m not the type to start a conversation in the  restroom. I don’t know what got into me, but I answered,  somewhat embarrassed,   “Doin’ just fine!”   And the other person says,   “So what are you …

An elderly man living alone in North Gosford wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, But it was very difficult to work since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament: Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad bec…

Three elderly women are talking about their troubles. “Sixty is the worst age to be,” said Ruth, the 60-year-old, “You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time nothing happens.” “Ah, that’s nothing,” said the 70-year-old, Maxine. “When you’re 70, you don’t have a bowel movement anymore. You take laxativ…

> The Retired Husband After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter…

An old man was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. “This is exciting,” thought the old man. “I’ve always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I’ll be able to see him in person.” Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him for the flight. Still, the m…

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, “I am on my way to a lessons about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.” The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture a…

A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said; “Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”   Beth replied, “Well Charles, I have to be honest with …