funny grandma

Two elderly women were having a late lunch and having a drink at a local pub one afternoon when Ethel noticed something funny about Mable’s ear and said, “Mable, did you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?” Mable answered, “I have? A suppository?” She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, “Ethe…

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheque. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade be…

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.” Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.” Her boyfriend decides to g…

Three sophisticated southern women sit together at a country club, Eliza, Josephine, and Isabelle. Eliza says to the other two, “You know girls, my husband bought me the most wonderful jewelry for our anniversary. A lavish diamond necklace and some beautiful earrings.” “How wonderful!” Josephine says. Isabelle respo…

Three men died on the same day. Heaven was getting pretty full, so God decided to hear their stories and let whoever had died most tragically into the pearly gates. The first guy said: I came home early and heard my wife moaning so I knew she was cheating on me. I looked all around to find the guy, and he was out h…

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on its final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, “This is your Captain. We’re on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto.” He forgets to switch off the intercom, and the whole pl…

Daughter's text to Dad:  Daddy, I'm coming home to get married soon, so get your checkbook ready.  LOL! As you know, I'm in Australia and he's in the US. We met on a dating site, became friends on Facebook, and had long chats on Whatsapp.  He proposed to me on Skype and now we've had a 2 month re…