funny grandma

Steve invites his mother over for dinner. During the dinner, his mother can’t help but notice that Steve’s roommate Peter is very tall and handsome. She had long suspected that the two of them were more than roommates, so she asked her son if they were a couple. But Steve denies it, and reassures his mother that they’…

John was sitting outside his local pub one day… … enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. “You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!” Now John gets pretty an…

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?” “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it wa…

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t. Marriage is a three ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake. There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman: Before marriage and after marri…

A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes t…

A man and his wife are out driving, and get pulled over by a police officer.   The husband, who is the one behind the wheel, asks, “What’s the problem, officer?”   Officer: “You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.”   Man: “No sir, I was going 65.”   Wife: “Oh, Harry. You were going 80.” (The man gives his wife a dirt…

One day at the end of class, little Johnny’s teacher asked the class to go home and think of a story that had some kind of a moral in it.   The following day, the teacher asked for the first volunteer to tell their story.   Little Suzy raised her hand, “My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on t…

So, one night he took her along with him.  “What’ll you have?” he asked.  “Oh, I don’t know. The same as you I suppose,” she replied.  So, the husband ordered beer and threw his down in one shot. His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. “Yuck, that’s TERRIBLE!” she spluttered, …

A woman wakes her husband up at 2 AM A woman wakes her husband up at 2 AM, saying "Quick, who's scored the highest number of goals in football, ever?" "Klose", replied the groggy husband. "And how many episodes of Breaking Bad are there in total?" "Huh? Wait, let me...55, no, 62…

In fact, a division and a half into reality and not just words describing a strong relationship between two or a trait similarity between two individuals, so both "Irene and Jones" the twins were able to participate in one exhibition. He has not separated for a century. Irene and Jones twins celebrate their …

A man finds a wallet with $700 in it. A few days later, he reads a notice stating that a wealthy man has lost his wallet and is offering a $50 reward to anyone who returns it. He soon locates the owner and gives him the wallet, and the rich man counts the money and says, “I see you have already taken your reward.” The…

Every day Nasrudin went to beg for alms in the market, and people used to make fun of him by playing the following trick: they would show him two coins, one worth ten times more than the other, and Nasrudin would always choose the smaller coin. The story went round the whole province. Day after day, groups of men and …

A woman went to the service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won’t work: The clerk told her that he can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special. Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming…… “PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES,…

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year… … and every year Buddy would say, ‘Edna, I’d like to ride in that helicopter’ Edna always replied, ‘I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks’ One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said, ‘Edna, I’m 85 y…

Two men were having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course. They didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said: “I think I’ll walk up there …

Pam and Kate are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Pam pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. “What in the heck is that?” asks Kate. “A condom”, replies Pam. “This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet”. “Where did you get it?” …

An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop. They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: Butter – 10 francs. In response, the old lady added a sign to her own window:   Butter – 9 francs. …

A man and his wife walked into a dentist’s office.   The man said to the dentist, “Doc, I’m in a hurry.  I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it.”   The man continues, “We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best g…

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered.   Years later, they get back together to discuss the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother for her 90th Birthday.   The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.”   The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”   The third smiled a…