funny grandma

A married couple got into an accident and the husband’s face was badly  burned. The doctor told him that they couldn’t graft any skin from his body  because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would  have to come …

Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing  their problems with getting old. The first one said, “Sometimes  I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while  standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember  whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.” The second…

A couple were invited to a masked fancy dress Halloween party.   The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.   He – being a devoted husband – protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and that he should go alone and enjoy himself.   So he…

Howdy, The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so, I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper. I w…

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots , but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying “HI, we’re hot. Do you want a date?” “That’s terrible!” The priest exclaimed. “But I DO have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots ov…

Dear Son, I'm writing this slow cause I know you can't read that fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your Dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took …

Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since High School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar. Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio. Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the required ritualized ki…