funny grandma

A man with big ears is tired of being constantly watched when he walks down the street and decides to have surgery to solve this problem. The surgeon examines him carefully and tells him: “His ears are too big: simple plastic surgery doesn’t do much for us, we need to proceed with a transplant.” Despite the initi…

A blonde is swimming in a river. A man walks up and asks her, “What are you doing in there?” She says, “I’m washing my clothes.” The man asks, “Why don’t you use a washing machine?” The blonde says, “I tried that, but it was too dizzy.”

The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband. Aroused Husband says, “You look so beautiful and sexy my darling.” The wife says, “I know that, I tried it the same way at the store and the salesman was the first one to tell me that.”

Dolly wanted a new living room set but her husband kept saying. “No.” Every day she would ask him to please let her have the set. Every day he would say. “No.” One day he decided to end this discussion once and for all. When Dolly asked, he looked at her and said. “You can have that living room set you have bee…

A blonde got caught in a blizzard… It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home. She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally rememb…

A blonde wanting to earn extra money decided to do odd jobs for her wealthy neighbors. At the first house, the owner said, “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” “$50” she replies The man agrees and gives her the paint and brushes and goes back in the house. The man’s wife overheard their conv…

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as a real Rugby player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place: They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK. “What’s that for?” the lady questions. “Oh, I have this so that when I’m …

Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said don’t look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said “What’s that?”. Timmy’s dad said “that’s Mr.wiggles”. Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy’s mom said don’t look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said “What’s that?”. Timmy’s mom said “that’…

Jim calls in to work and says, “Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work.” The boss says, “You know Jim, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me s*x. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You…

My girlfriends name is Wendy and I had it tattooed on my unit. When it’s flaccid you can only see WY. On a trip to the Caribbean I went to the bathroom and was standing at the trough next to a local. I briefly gazed down and saw that he too had WY tattooed on his unit. I asked him if his girlfriends name was also We…

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the growth state of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much. I too have a problem. My penis i…

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A pretty, young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. ‘Nurse’, he mumbles, from behind the mask. Are my testicles black? ‘Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, ‘I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to…

A man lies completely naked on the beach with a huge sombrero on his dignity and with a sign “For viewing – BGN 5.” A woman passed by, she wondered why the man was hiding behind such a big hat, gave 5 levs, looked and exclaimed: Well, he is hanging! And the man replied: Well, ma’am, if he could work, would he b…

A woman complained to her friend she had a sore throat! The friend replied: “Whenever I have a sore throat, I just give my husband a blow job and the soreness goes away!” They meet the next day, and the woman says: I took your advice! You were right, the soreness disappeared immediately! “Your husband couldn’t …

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One old lady turns to the other and asks, “Do you still get horny?” The other replies, “Oh sure I do.” The first old lady asks, “What do you do about It?” The second old lady replies, “I s**k a lifesaver.” After a few moments, the first old lady …

A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?” The wife says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old.” “Oh yeah?” quipped her husband, “What did he say about your forty-five year ol…

A beautiful woman is sitting next to the little johnny on a plane. There is terrible turbulence and then the plane goes into a sudden nosedive. The Captain comes on the intercom and says “I hate to have to tell you this folk, but we might not walk away from this one.” Everyone begins to panic except for the john…

A husband and wife are eating at Hooters for their 20th anniversary. A busty gorgeous blond waitress comes up and asks them what they’d like to drink. “Oh my god, you are gorgeous.” Said the husband with the intent of pissing his wife off. His wife just shook her head and smiled. “Why don’t you introduce your wi…

A redneck gets married and on his wedding night finds his bride in the sexiest piece of lingerie he’s ever laid eyes on. She looks at him and says “I want you to know that you’ll be my first and only man.” The redneck quickly re-dresses and angrily grabs his wife and throws her in the truck and drops her off at he…

An old woman walks into a tattoo shop, looks directly at the artist and says “I want to get a tattoo”. The artist hesitantly replies “Well, ok where would you like this tattoo?” Old lady: “actually I want two, one on the inside of my left thigh and one and the inside of my right thigh” Artist: “you know how much …

After making love, the man excused himself and went into the bathroom. When he returned, the woman sat up in bed and remarked, “I can tell you are a doctor by the way you washed your hands before and after. “ Well, that’s right, ” the fellow said with a self-satisfied grin. “Do you know what kind?” The woman re…

Married or not you should read this… When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you She sat down and ate quietly Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth But I had to let her know what I was thinking …

An old fella was celebrating 92 years on this earth. He spoke to his toes. “Hello, toes.”, he said. How are you? You know, you are92 today. Oh, the times we’ve had! Remember how we walked in the park in the summer every Sunday afternoon? The times we waltzed on the dance floor? Happy Birthday, toes!” “Hello, knees…

An elderly man travelling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons. There next to the paper roll were four buttons marke…

A little old lady went to the grocery store and put the most expensive cat food in her basket. She then went to the check out counter where she told the check out girl, “Nothing but the best for my little kitten.” The girl at the cash register said, “I’m sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that yo…

A truck driver was going down a steep incline when, at the foot of the hill, he was able to make out a couple having s*x in the middle of the road. Five times on his descent he sounded his horn, but they didn’t move. He finally brought the truck’ to a halt inches from them. The truck driver got out and stormed: “W…

man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.” Passenger: “Who?” Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.” Cabbie: “Not Frank F…

it.” Later that day, a commercial aired on telephone with the automaker asking, “Wouldn’t you like to have this car in your driveway?” I responded, “Sure I would! I had one yesterday.” As the day unfolded, Tere became increasingly upset as she remembered more and more of what had been in the car — our wedding album…

A man in an airport lounge hits on a beautiful young woman A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful young woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides that because she’s wearing a uniform, she’s probably an off-duty Flight Attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by iden…

Every spring, as soon as the snows thawed, a certain mountain woman would come down into town, have a baby and gather supplies for the summer. After a few years of this, she looked despairingly at the doctor and said, Doctor, I don’t know how much more of this I can handle. We got us eight kids now and I just don’…

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon’s activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them…

They are seated and after browsing the menu they both decide to order the soup of the day. When the waiter brings their soup the man knocks his spoon on the floor. “Whoops,” he says and turns to the waiter, “I’m terribly sorry but could I have another.” The waiter whips a fresh spoon out of his top pocket. “Here you…

One day a 12-year-old girl was walking down the street, when a car pulled up beside her and the driver lowered a window. “I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car,” said the driver. “No way! Get lost!” replied the girl. “How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?” the driver asked. “I said no w…

The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal’s skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell t…

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. “Quick,” said the woman to her lover, “into the closet!”, and she pushed him into the closet stark undressed. The husband, howev…